Juice Fast Day 7 - One Week

Seven days down. My first week of my week-and-half long trial is down.

Honestly, juice. I'm disappointed.

The drama and sudden awakening of my body, the unlocking of all my physical potential and all the wonderful colorful things that were supposed to explode out of my backside never happened. I got up, drank my juice, went to work and had a normal week save for the fact that I could only eat food that would pass through a straw. My body, my brain, my bowel movements, all relatively normal.

I'd discuss my weight gain or loss, but it seems my bathroom scale didn't make the cut my recent move.

Do I think there will be a dramatic shift in the next three days? Honestly not. I don't think that one day I'll drink just the right amount of kale to reach nirvana, and I given the not insignificant amount of calories I've been ingesting I would be surprised if my body just thought I'd gotten my teeth knocked out or something. After all, the guy in the movie had to juice fast for 60 days, and then his final form was a good six months of diet and exercise later so just drinking juice for a week might not have the effect that was presented by clever editing.

Perhaps I'm being too cynical. Maybe the changes are far more subtle. I mean, I have been doing pretty well at work these past few days, and I've managed to survive with very very little caffeine. To top it off my allergies haven't been bothering me as much, so maybe there's that. I also haven't been exercising, so while the fat, slobbering American in me feels cheated because I did not get instant results, my more rational mind (that I think is Swiss? I don't know the accent is weird) understands that this was one element to a lifestyle change that was meant to break me of my dependency on food for comfort. Chances are it also will have an effect on what I consider a decent portion size.

That's all speculation at this point. I'll keep going until day 10, which is supposedly the reasonable length of time for one person to do a juice fast to get results of some sort.

One surprising thing of note is that my willpower seems to be outlasting my patience. Fascinating.

Juice Fast Day 6 - Tensions Mounting

Six days ago, I said that I was surprised how easy going to an all-juice diet had been. For someone who is as much of a foodie as me, I couldn't imagine giving up what is both a passion and a lifestyle. Not only that, but I would have to still function in an America driven by food-based consumerism. My friends, my coworkers, and even those I had not met would be surrounding me with delicious temptation at every turn. Today I began to see the cracks that can form after resisting temptation too long. Today, the stress of my juice fast began to take its toll.

Not on me mind you. Or, rather directly on me. The stress affected my wife, who then affected it on me.

The grand scheme was that since I had an extended weekend, I would attempt the juice fast first. It would give us an opportunity to have a control element in the experiment. She would carry on as normal, and I would juice and we would compare the differences. But she was frustrated tonight. Dinner was an event for one since mine was decided. She couldn't really include me in our usual culinary adventures because I was benched until next week. Turns out, me juicing was a source of more stress for her than it was for me!

Okay, that's kind of only half true. My wife is a wonderful woman and incredibly supportive, but as we are both foodies this fast has sort of left her alone at the table.

The lesson here isn't to ensure some sort of militant compliance with all people in your immediacy when doing something as lifestyle-shifting as this, but more to realize that the people who support you will sometimes need support themselves. And by "support," I mean letting them drink some wine while you watch a few episodes of "Buffy."

Today was largely successful, despite the somewhat higher cacophony of food-based traffic through my office today. 2 large mason jars, one green and one orange, kept me pretty well sated through the day. I spaced it out, drinking mostly throughout the morning and then a little less frequently into the afternoon. I kept one serving in the jar until the very end of the day, which I drank before wrapping up things at my desk around 6:30.

What was a new development today was the headaches.

I'm relatively certain that this is part of the caffeine withdrawal, since I'm keeping my juice intake very steady. The question is do I soldier through and just be a giant dick to everyone between the hours of 7am and next Tuesday or do I try and somehow portion myself down like a heroin addict. Granted, coffee is certainly a far different beast than heroin (and much tastier, I've heard) but I don't know if feeding it even to wean would somehow undermine my efforts. I've heard of people using caffeinated teas as part of their diet, and you can't argue that a good cup of coffee certainly cleans you out in a hurry, but I'm trying to be strict for my test flight!

Tomorrow morning might call for a cup of tea before work, if the headaches persist. I get the pure body detoxification holistic organic tie-dye thing, but let's be real. A bit of caffeine in my system can't be any worse than whatever they used to make these elephantine carrots I've been juicing.

Seriously, these things are fucking HUGE!/////

Juice Fast Day 5 - The Grind

Yes, my coworkers still think I'm crazy.

Today was day one of "take your juice to work day." After yesterday's experiment of juice mass production, it became clear that I might not be able to make enough juice in a single session to last the full day. When I was juicing at home, I'd make 3-4 full batches, but honestly the amount of produce needed to make 2 batches (about half a gallon) has been simply staggering.

Juice Fast Day 4 - Testing Grounds

Today I started my day with an epic juicing. My goal: fill 2 large mason jars with fresh juice, then put them in the fridge and drink them throughout the day as a small-scale test to what it will be like tomorrow at work. I needed to make sure that A) I could make a half gallon of juice in a reasonable amount of time, and B) that fresh juice will keep long enough for me to drink without getting rancid.

So what did we learn today?

First of all, I'm still shocked at the insane amount of produce it takes to make juice. I had to empty the hopper twice with a good two pounds of pulp in it just to get one jar full. It makes total sense, and the whole idea is you're consuming the nutrients of a much larger amount of produce than you'd normally eat, but come on! I cleaned out all the produce from Saturday's CostCo run and still only got a jar and a half full.

Secondly, while I don't think the juice went bad per se, I did notice 2 things: an odd smell and discoloration.

The smell was odd both in scent and behavior. First, it was only when I first opened the jar, leading me to believe that the juice is breaking down, but less so in a contained environment like a sealed jar. It just built up a bit while no one was watching. It didn't taste off in any way, so I guess it was just fermenting or something. If it was, that has potential applications post-fast.

The color is a bit more understandable. The main base for most of my juices have been apples, and apples brown. It's just their thing. I had thrown some citrus into the mix, but I don't think there's nearly enough to counter that much exposure, especially when it's coming down the chute. I'll try upping the lemon a bit tomorrow to see if it helps, but since some of the apple was already brownish when I juiced it, I think it's just part of the process.

On Friday, I had announced to my all-female coworkers that I was embarking on this quest. They all thought I was crazy, and one even voiced concern to my chances of survival. I assured them that I didn't have the vaguest idea what I was doing, and it's only when I think I know what I'm doing that things go horribly awry.

Juice Fast Day 3 - Onions? Maybe Not.

At the very beginning of Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, our Aussie hero is stopping by a roadside farmer's stand to buy some produce for his juicing. You don't get to see his full shopping list, but he does buy two items clearly: onions and tomatoes. Concerned that I might be drinking too much fruit and not enough veggies, I decided to try my hand at some savory juices. Tomato is a good base, but onion? Well, onion just seems to blow most everything else out of the water.

My lesson of the day: I think onions make better chemical weapons than juice ingredients.

Juice Fast Day 2 - Out of the Closet

The second day brought a bit more challenge than the first day. Not challenge in the sense that I was tempted by food (since I live in America, I'm always tempted by food) but more along the line of physical challenge. I had one cup of black tea, Lady Grey, this morning. By mid-afternoon my body was punishing me for forsaking the black gold I usually drink quite regularly.

Juice Fast Day 1 - Famous Last Words

This is easy.

Yes, yes. I know I will eat those words eventually (after my juice fast, of course, I think my own words qualifies as a fat) but for being a solid 24 hours without food I am in surprisingly good spirits. The only real issues of the day was a headache around noon and some crankiness in the mid afternoon, but everything seemed to even out. It's already past 10pm and I feel pretty good for someone on a diet usually reserved for people with broken jaws.