Along for the Ride: 3 Years at the Austin Film Fest

My AFF Bag-o-Swag!

I'll never forget the first time I attended the Austin Film Festival; the premier festival for writers in the United States. It reminded me a lot of the first time I visited Los Angeles. I was starry-eyed and in a euphoric buzz from start to finish. I wanted it all and I wanted to juice every moment to the last drop. I rushed to every panel, emptied three pens taking notes, watched every film I could get in line for, and spent every night at one party or mixer or another. I was finally in a place that would open doors; a gathering of people who proved that you could make a living as a writer.

It's been three years and two Austin Film Festivals since. As B.B. King once said “the thrill is gone.”

But that is by no fault of the festival. I know it's mostly my own fault. Mostly.

At AFF 2012 I had exactly zero more scripts under my belt than I did at AFF 2011. I had not finished a project in a year, and I had certainly done very little to advance my career as a screenwriter. Yes, I got married. Yes, I have a salaried job that takes most of my time. Yes, I have a long list of valid excuses and a year is hardly a reasonable amount of time for one to expect their “big break.” But at the end of the day I did choose to neglect writing in favor of many things, some worthy and some unworthy.

Writing is very much akin to rubbing sticks together. There is some technique involved, but what is most important is time spent with one stick in motion with the other. At a festival with five thousand people all hoping to make fire, the ones who have spent more time at practice will have much more heat behind them than someone who spent the last moments in a mad dash to get their sticks together. Just a spark is nice, but no one in the fire market will be impressed with a spark.

So when Liz and I approached this year's Austin Film Festival, we did it with a much different approach than the giddy lad who scurried through the historic Driskill hotel three years earlier. We were no longer just going in the hopes that I would be discovered. We were going under the assumption that I was not. Harsh, but all play and no work makes Johnny a hard sell.

Once I accepted that I was there as a member of the audience and not a competitor, the whole game changed. We could choose our panels based on interest rather than potential use. We spent more time in films than last year. We also spent a good deal of time just wandering around downtown Austin. All in all, we maybe ended up attending 60% of the festival that we had originally hoped for. We missed some of the panels we were most excited about and even some of the exclusive parties and events that were a privilege of our all-access pass.

Then why does it feel like this might have been the best festival yet?

When an aspiring anything has the chance to go to a place where people are professionally doing what they aspire to do, there is a great deal of pressure. There is always that dream in the back of your mind that you'll be one of those stories, one of the special few who have a chance encounter with someone who will give you that push to the top. You hope that every time you hand your card to someone they will hand it to the President of Show Business and you'll win at everything forever!

But let's face the numbers. There are thousands of people there, all exactly like you, all hoping to make that one key connection. There are “gatekeepers” there, agents and producers who might hold the key to your success, but they can be counted without needing more than one digit. Even among the panelists there are only two categories: 1. those who are old-guard, wise and romantic about the journey, but who fell from their prime decades ago, or 2. those who are new-guard, who are still fighting to keep their career on track in the tumultuous world of media and would much rather be at work then having to pretend they have much advice to give since they themselves aren't very far in their own journey. They have stories and the occasional nugget of generalist wisdom, but none hold the key to success.

There are still plenty of winners at the festival, even among those who didn't take first prize. Finalists in both the writing and pitch contests were given a large platform to present their ideas to interested parties. Even those who made the semi-finals had exclusive panels on how to specifically get in the door. Writers could meet with filmmakers who were there to promote their films and join to work on projects. There might even have been the lucky few who managed to schmooze their names into the ears of the right person, given the golden handshake and opened a door to fame and fortune.

But for us, this was the year of practicality. We could hope and dream, but while we were there our time would be better spent seeing some movies and meeting other like-minded folks.

And according to Liz, that was what she took away from the festival. Yes, it's important to know how to talk to agents and managers, know how the system in LA works and what directors are hot or not. But it's more important to make connections to your peers, to people at your age and stage. Ten years down the line, your friend who was an assistant might be a studio executive. Someone who you toss ideas with today might be someone who might be working for someone looking for such ideas down the road.

For the past two years I recall rushing from place to place and my futile effort to “work the room” at the crowded parties and panels. This year I remember sitting at Easy Tiger and sharing a drink in the lovely weather before we headed to see Hyde Park on Hudson. I remember getting a great bit of advice from Scott Z Burns about writing intrigue. I remember chatting with Boston writer Philip Landau about how his kids were getting into Buffy as we walked from the Texas History Museum across the Capital grounds back to the Paramount. I remember coming out of It's a Disaster, a hilarious film made by a group of UT and TSTV alumni and then skipping the party that night so we could share a pint with an old classmate who was at TSTV during my time there. I remember getting home at 9pm one night and 2am another and both days having been equally satisfying.

The Austin Film Festival is still the best bet for emerging writers, but unless you've spent the better part of the previous year positioning yourself effectively then you would be best served just enjoying yourself. You might get your big break, but if that's all you’re after you might end up passing up a chance to make a real connection to someone who could be more than just a contact.

Remember the Tao of Bueller: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop to look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Also posted at my main blog: cinemasnackbar.wordpress.com

Juice Fast - What I've Learned

For ten full days, I consumed nothing but plant matter in a liquid state. It was an experiment, and a rather extreme one in theory but I came off with all sorts of Mythbusters-style data about my diet, my lifestyle, and my digestive tract that are only clear in retrospect. I learned an awful lot about what juicing is, and almost more importantly what it is not.

Without further ado, let us begin:

Juice Fast Day 10 - Roll Credits

Ten days ago, I set out a challenge for myself. Curiosity mixed with ambition, and my goal of healthy living was lightly beaten over a bed of amateur research, sprinkled with skepticism, and paired with a tall glass of what the hell am I doing. Salt to taste and serve.

Juice Fast Day 9 - Prepare for Landing

Today was the penultimate day of my juice fast, and the historic day that a man hurled himself off a balloon 120000 feet in the air. A big day for everyone.

After yesterday's trials and tribulations, today was a rather easy day. Some juice, some exercise, some more juice, get some work done, then more juice. Actually, today was almost downright normal. I almost can't think of anything to write about.

What is of note is that Wife and I had the talk about what my lifestyle will be post-fast. After all, in the movie it seems that the juice fast was so life changing to the various hillbillies that attempted it that they made lasting changes to their lifestyles, their eyes having been opened to just how much better life is when you eat less than seven hamburgers a day. Surely I was going to use this experience to start a new, better lifestyle for myself full of veggies and positive thinking!

Um, no. Actually if the lack of explosive reactions from my body tells me anything it's that my lifestyle is actually quite healthy already, at least when it comes to what I'm eating. Yes, it could use some tweaking, but I should have made those smaller changes anyway.

Wife brought up an important point when we were out on our walk today. No, there was no dramatic shifting of my intestines when I started this juice diet, but we've been doing juice for breakfast for several weeks now and there certainly was some shifting then. It's not that my lifestyle is too healthy to reboot, it's just that I'm not going from a fast-food diet to sudden nutrition. My body did get to acclimate to juice before I even began this. I imagine if it had been years since I'd had pure juice, my body might be far more shocked by the sudden influx of not-french fries.

What will likely be put in place is an Alton Brown style diet of veggie focused moderation and balance. We've tried this before with mixed success, but the main idea being that there's some food that we shouldn't be eating very often like rice, pasta, red meat and the like, but eating them once a week in constant sequence is not much better. So rather than going pasta-burger-cake-salad, maybe we should go salad-pasta-salad-fish-salad-cake-salad-exercise-fish-salad-burger-salad-rice-salad. Possibly salad-pasta-salad-fish-salad-burger-salad-exercise-fish-salad-burger-salad-rice-salad, and if we're really feeling crazy, we might go salad-fish-salad-fish-salad-cake-salad-exercise-pasta-salad-burger-salad-rice-salad! Now I'm just going wild!

Tomorrow night I will break my fast, finishing something of a challenge and an experiment that has had some interesting results and non-results. I've certainly learned a great deal, even if the diet didn't have the most apparent impact on my general well-being. This is one of those things that didn't seem to have a downside. I've kept my focus, been juicing regularly, and I've lost nothing but the respect of my friends!

Juice Fast Day 8 - The Belly of the Beast

I've got this, I said to myself. I can handle this. Juice fasting isn't even about willpower, it's just about accepting a binary, accept you won't eat food and you won't suffer not having food. I can do this.

Today, against my better judgement, my resolve was put to the test. Twice.

My morning started in an unusual way for a weekend: with an alarm.

Wife and I had to get up to meet with some friends as it was "game day." I had a very eclectic upbringing, but one of the few things that never had much of a place in my childhood was this whole "sports" concept. Yes, I know that a baseball is he white one you throw and a basketball is the orange one you bounce. Yes, I know who Michael Jordan is. Yes, I attended UT and know that the Texas Longhorns are better at whatever the stated activity is for one of these games. That's the extent of my knowledge.

Today was a special day because it involved Oklahoma. For some reason, Texas and Oklahoma have been battling for superiority for decades. I don't see what the issue is, no amount of sport success will make up for the fact that Oklahoma can't surmise themselves any better than "it's OK." That, and I've never heard of anyone being excited about going there.

So I suited up in my new burnt orange shirt and we headed to the sports bar. I had my juice, I had my resolve. Surely I could sit around a table filled with beer and fried foods of all sorts and just politely sip my water. I was actually quite surprised at what I discovered.

First, I learned that if the other team gets the ball and runs it across your line thingy more times than you it means they win, and I also learned that I was less drawn to the piles of fried food than I was to the beer. Don't get me wrong, I loves me some wings! But I was far more tempted to drink than I was to eat. I'm not sure if it's just some social association of beer with being out with friends, or if I recognize how bad fried pickles are and I just haven't  yet learned my lesson with beer. I suppose I'll have to explore that a few times after the fast.

I left at halftime. I needed to make some more juice for lunch, and honestly the environment was starting to wear on me. There was lots of shouting and eating and drinking and more shouting so I took my leave. Still, I'd managed to keep my head on and keep my diet.

Then came dinner. Our friends called back. They were going for Italian.

I'm not the most religious man, but I firmly believe that there is enough evidence in the bible to prove that God has a sick sense of humor.

This one I tried to get out of. Carbs and Italian specifically was the one thing I found myself really craving. I could look in the fridge, I could even go through the grocery store, but I was just drooling for some creamy pasta for the past few days. The idea that I was going to be sitting and staring at my friends as they indulged around me was stressful by itself. That was like putting me on the rack, and I didn't know why I would ever do such a think to myself.

But I did. Partially because it was my friend's birthday, and partially because my wife said she was sure I could do it so get in the car we're leaving.

I won't deny I was tempted. So help me I was eyeing those breadsticks and that pasta from the moment it hit the table. It was so close to me, I could smell it. It smelled like happiness and Marsala wine. I had made it more than a week, right? Why should I punish myself any longer?

Just as I found myself about to buckle, I found a way to fight back: talking.

It's amazing how little one can eat when they're flapping their gums, but by keeping myself firmly entrenched in the conversation I managed to make it through the meal without much trouble. Yes, I knew the food was still there, but there were topics to discuss and debate in which to engage. Okay so it was mostly dead baby jokes and geeking out over Looper, but that was enough stimulation to keep me occupied.

Yes, I seemed like a jabbering egoist, but I was also the asshole at the restearaunt that wasn't eating so I wasn't exactly in the best light to begin with.

Finally I got home, and at the close of day 8, with two days to go, and I have still been without solid food for over a week. This is an accomplishment in itself, as I'm not one who is good with committing to lifestyle changes. Most don't last a week, and the last one that did ended up marrying me. Maybe the whole juice fast thing is just about discipline?

And maybe the secret is really "friendship.' God I hate those endings.

Juice Fast Day 7 - One Week

Seven days down. My first week of my week-and-half long trial is down.

Honestly, juice. I'm disappointed.

The drama and sudden awakening of my body, the unlocking of all my physical potential and all the wonderful colorful things that were supposed to explode out of my backside never happened. I got up, drank my juice, went to work and had a normal week save for the fact that I could only eat food that would pass through a straw. My body, my brain, my bowel movements, all relatively normal.

I'd discuss my weight gain or loss, but it seems my bathroom scale didn't make the cut my recent move.

Do I think there will be a dramatic shift in the next three days? Honestly not. I don't think that one day I'll drink just the right amount of kale to reach nirvana, and I given the not insignificant amount of calories I've been ingesting I would be surprised if my body just thought I'd gotten my teeth knocked out or something. After all, the guy in the movie had to juice fast for 60 days, and then his final form was a good six months of diet and exercise later so just drinking juice for a week might not have the effect that was presented by clever editing.

Perhaps I'm being too cynical. Maybe the changes are far more subtle. I mean, I have been doing pretty well at work these past few days, and I've managed to survive with very very little caffeine. To top it off my allergies haven't been bothering me as much, so maybe there's that. I also haven't been exercising, so while the fat, slobbering American in me feels cheated because I did not get instant results, my more rational mind (that I think is Swiss? I don't know the accent is weird) understands that this was one element to a lifestyle change that was meant to break me of my dependency on food for comfort. Chances are it also will have an effect on what I consider a decent portion size.

That's all speculation at this point. I'll keep going until day 10, which is supposedly the reasonable length of time for one person to do a juice fast to get results of some sort.

One surprising thing of note is that my willpower seems to be outlasting my patience. Fascinating.

Juice Fast Day 6 - Tensions Mounting

Six days ago, I said that I was surprised how easy going to an all-juice diet had been. For someone who is as much of a foodie as me, I couldn't imagine giving up what is both a passion and a lifestyle. Not only that, but I would have to still function in an America driven by food-based consumerism. My friends, my coworkers, and even those I had not met would be surrounding me with delicious temptation at every turn. Today I began to see the cracks that can form after resisting temptation too long. Today, the stress of my juice fast began to take its toll.

Not on me mind you. Or, rather directly on me. The stress affected my wife, who then affected it on me.

The grand scheme was that since I had an extended weekend, I would attempt the juice fast first. It would give us an opportunity to have a control element in the experiment. She would carry on as normal, and I would juice and we would compare the differences. But she was frustrated tonight. Dinner was an event for one since mine was decided. She couldn't really include me in our usual culinary adventures because I was benched until next week. Turns out, me juicing was a source of more stress for her than it was for me!

Okay, that's kind of only half true. My wife is a wonderful woman and incredibly supportive, but as we are both foodies this fast has sort of left her alone at the table.

The lesson here isn't to ensure some sort of militant compliance with all people in your immediacy when doing something as lifestyle-shifting as this, but more to realize that the people who support you will sometimes need support themselves. And by "support," I mean letting them drink some wine while you watch a few episodes of "Buffy."

Today was largely successful, despite the somewhat higher cacophony of food-based traffic through my office today. 2 large mason jars, one green and one orange, kept me pretty well sated through the day. I spaced it out, drinking mostly throughout the morning and then a little less frequently into the afternoon. I kept one serving in the jar until the very end of the day, which I drank before wrapping up things at my desk around 6:30.

What was a new development today was the headaches.

I'm relatively certain that this is part of the caffeine withdrawal, since I'm keeping my juice intake very steady. The question is do I soldier through and just be a giant dick to everyone between the hours of 7am and next Tuesday or do I try and somehow portion myself down like a heroin addict. Granted, coffee is certainly a far different beast than heroin (and much tastier, I've heard) but I don't know if feeding it even to wean would somehow undermine my efforts. I've heard of people using caffeinated teas as part of their diet, and you can't argue that a good cup of coffee certainly cleans you out in a hurry, but I'm trying to be strict for my test flight!

Tomorrow morning might call for a cup of tea before work, if the headaches persist. I get the pure body detoxification holistic organic tie-dye thing, but let's be real. A bit of caffeine in my system can't be any worse than whatever they used to make these elephantine carrots I've been juicing.

Seriously, these things are fucking HUGE!/////